This question has been troubling me for a very long time and I always thought I had to come with a profession or a career or something of significance as an answer.
My first response to this question, when asked, is nothing – I want to do nothing. Now I never did voice this answer and I internally judged this as wrong, I was lazy or not good enough in some way. Whenever I was asked this question, I would instead come up with answer that sounded good, interests of mine that perhaps could lead to a fulfilling and successful career.
Freedom was what I always sought, I wanted freedom to BE me without limitation. What this meant I was never quiet sure but something I was always striving for.
Recently, only this week in fact have I come to terms with this and an understanding of why I don’t want to do nothing and what this freedom was I sought.
The simple fact is I’m a women and it is not my nature to DO anything, the Doing is the males natural way. A women’s natural way is to FEEL, to Be guided by her feelings, her intuition.
Lately I have been looking and studying the differences between men and women. It was in doing this I found my answers and gained clarity for myself.
The man is the provider, the protector, the decision maker, the person who gets things done, he is results driven and focused. A women on the other hand needs the freedom from doing so she can BE. By that I mean a women needs to be free of results, limitations, getting the job done and be free to feel what it is she wants to do in any given moment, to be present and in the moment, she needs to be free to feel and follow her intuition and be guided by that. A women needs the freedom to follow her heart and give from the heart space freely.
Of course women do things, we enjoy doing a wide range of things but we do them from a place of wanting to do or guided by our intuition to do, guided from our hearts to do.
I often have had so many ideas of what I wanted to DO and yet none of them truly satisfied me and I always felt limited and restricted by the idea of Doing any one thing for any amount of time. I used to judge this as I get bored easily, I can’t commit, I can’t follow through, etc. I have so many interests and passions, to choose just one and say that is what I want to Do is very limiting to me. So then I would try to come up with some big plan of how I could combine all of these interests, yet still feel that as limiting and not the freedom I sought.
I used to judge and see myself as a procrastinator and someone who had issues with being in the spot light, someone who had issues with abundance and earning money and saw myself as a quitter and that I had problems with responsibility. I used also get hung up on the fact that at the end of the day that I felt so inadequate because it didn’t seem like I did anything during the day. We as a society are so goal orientated and results driven most women have lost themselves, lost their true natural selves of being, of feeling our way.
I remember saying to some of my friends that if I was to go out and teach yoga or meditation or sell my candles or Do anything then I would want to do it from a place of wanting to share, wanting to give instead of a place of needing to or having to, or provide an income. I wanted to give and share from my heart and not to be results driven of needing so many students to turn up to make ends meet or to cover my costs. To me, when what I am doing turns from a place of giving from my heart into doing it to make money I loose interest and want to quit because my heart is no longer in it. I’m in my masculine energy of doing and not my feminine energy of the heart.
The simple fact is I don’t want to DO any one thing, I want to be free to BE me, to do as I Feel like doing in any given moment, to follow my heart, to be guided by my intuition to Do what ever that is any time day and night.
Yes I’ll be logical here and recognise I need money, so my aim is to have multiple business that provide me with the financial and time freedom to BE me, I want to employ people who have the passion to do the roles within those business, who love to be there and are doing what they love to Do.
For me its freedom – time freedom & financial freedom, location freedom that I seek and knowing that is a natural part of my femininity and being a women I have now come to be at peace with not wanting to DO anything.
Don’t get me wrong some women are great in business and have very successful careers and I applaud them for this but in my opinion the natural way for a women is to BE free to FEEL, to LOVE and follow the HEART. Leave the Doing to the men, allow them to Do what they DO best and take charge, take the lead, take care of things, to provide, to make decisions and take action.
Funny how the very night after writing this I was in bed reading a book “I am Goddess” by Leanne Peters and there was a chapter called Doing or Being, any way Leanne was saying that when we see things that we need to do or have to do and they seem to be a burden to us, then we are seeing them as separate to us. To help we could bring all those things to do inside of us, bring them into our hearts so they are part of us. This helps heal separation issues and also helps merge the masculine with the feminine energies within us. Certainly worth a try.
These writings are based on my learnings and my perceptions and what I am currently going through on my journey to Self. To knowing who I am. It has been through my research into the differences between the male and female over the past 6 months (and I still have a lot more to learn yet) that I have gained clarity into some aspects of myself that were clouded before. It has helped my to get to know this part of me, so I can love and honour this. I am not only feminine, I have many parts and in which I am learning about. In knowing this part and understanding its beliefs, needs and desires I can now work with it as I continue on my journey. What I say in my writings may and possibly will change. As I grow and evolve, and so will my perceptions grow and evolve.
What I say about feminine and masculine energies or roles are generalisations and I am aware that not all people can be put under each umbrella. All people are unique and special and have their own make up. We all carry within us both feminine and masculine energies in us.
In sharing these I hope it may help others find some clarity also, maybe gain a better understanding of the opposite sex, maybe not, and that’s ok. If I am triggered by any of your comments then great, it is something in me I will look at in more depth. If on the other hand I trigger you then know there is something in you that you may wish to explore why that is so. I am also sharing these as a form of triggering myself to heal myself, pushing myself through comfort zones and working through these by feeling my fears, my insecurities and my vulnerability and loving those feelings as I go.
Robyn Lemsing
18th July 2014