This morning during mediation I had glimpses of conversations with two people I know. In these conversations I was saying things I would have not said in the past.
In the past I would most likely not say anything and stay quiet, keeping the peace, people pleasing behaviour, staying small but in the brief conversations I had during meditation I was not playing small anymore, I was speaking my truth and not allowing myself to try and fit into the mould these people think I should be in or want me to be in. One of these people even said to me that I have changed and my reply was no, I have not changed, I am just not playing small and trying to fit into the mould you want me to be in anymore. This was emotional for me and empowering as I came out of meditation with the feeling that I am now giving myself permission to be myself, to do what I want to do, what I love to do, allowing myself to be me. I had tears in my eyes.
No longer waiting or wanting permission from others, no longer playing small, keeping the peace, people pleasing and hoping to gain some sort of validation or approval or permission from others, trying to make myself fit around their needs, their schedule, their thoughts and expectations of me. NO, no more. I give myself permission, I step into that which I am, I stand tall and have the inner strength to shine.
As I write these words, it makes me think, no wonder I have had the experience of so many dis-honest people in my life, I now see that they were reflecting this dis-honesty I was exhibiting and displaying. I was being dis-honest with them and myself, not showing up as who I really am, playing small and trying to be someone I am not, just to try and fit in, truth is, I never felt that I did fit in, how bizarre. I was co-dependant waiting and wanting others validation, approval and permission. I now give that to myself, the validation, approval and the permission, it all comes from within me now.
I used to put what I loved to do aside and put others’ needs and expectations ahead of mine and my needs. I have grown, I have learned, I am still learning. This moment in time what I am working on is stepping into my true authentic self and walking away from the old self, the old me, I am stepping into a new timeline and at times this feels wobbly as I try and gain steady footing. It is a process of letting go of the old self, old beliefs, old behaviours, old actions. A process of stepping into knowing who I am and re-aligning with my truth, my path, and my purpose. Feeling empowered now that I have given myself the permission to be ME.
Robyn Lemsing
17th December 2025