This morning, I could feel someone I know was being hard on themselves and I was inspired to write this.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, there is no need, all is well. I know you feel that you have done wrong and perhaps have hurt someone, but being down on yourself and giving yourself a hard time will not help the situation. You need to forgive yourself. I can hear you say that you can not and will not forgive yourself, but this is only the way to move forward. It is all good, there were lessons to learn from this experience and once learned you never have to go through this again, once learned you can move forward, once learned you have greater insight into yourself and the other people involved. It is for you, everything is for you and your greatest good, it is for you to grow and evolve. Which is the reason for all relationships is to grow and evolve. So, beating yourself up over things is delaying the healing process and delaying the lessons. It is holding you a place of despair and grief which is not doing you or anyone else around you any good.
I hear you ask, how can I forgive myself? This is easy, first you need to look at the situation, find the reason why you did what you did, said what you said, or whatever transpired. You need to look within yourself to find our why things happened. Most likely it was from a place of trying to protect yourself. Most of our unhealthy behaviours are from a part of ourselves that is trying to protect you from getting hurt. It is a learned behaviour that you developed over the years, most likely stemming from childhood that is in place to stop you from being hurt. It is triggered by what is a perceived threat and the behaviour comes out to stop you from being hurt. When we can identify the cause, the pain from our past that has not yet been healed we can become conscious to make better choices in the future. When you realise that it is a part within you that was trying to protect you, you are more able to have compassion for it and forgive it and therefore forgive yourself. Then you are in a place of acceptance, and this is where the shift occurs, the weight of guilt and shame lift and you can even love that part of you. You can look at where the behaviour stemmed from, when in your past you were hurt, what were your thoughts at that time, ask if that is true now. Look at what the other people were doing, what was going on in their lives that may have made them do what they did to hurt you, look and see that maybe they too had an unconscious behaviour that was triggered and did not internally mean to hurt you. See if you can find compassion for the past, the situation, the people and gain a better understanding around what happened. Acknowledge the pain you felt back then, it may come up now, you may feel it now, that is ok, let it come up, allow yourself to feel it, give it the space to be heard and acknowledged, let the tears fall, let out a scream if you need be, talk out loud or write down as if you were talking to the people or person that hurt in your past and say what you feel you need to say. Let it out, release it, forgive the people involved and see that they were only doing the best that they could at the time too. Look at the situation from a different perspective. Once you can clear the past pain and give it a voice, accept it and stop resisting it this allows you to see your learned behaviour differently too and can see it was just a protective mechanism that you can now have compassion for and forgive yourself for. This is not justifying and saying that whatever you did or said or not do or say was ok, it is for you to see it for what it is and now can make more conscious choices in the future and know if triggered you can in the moment make a different choice to behave differently. From here you can make a choice of how you would like to behave in the future and let go of the past version of yourself and in new situations can say to yourself that you are no longer that person, you are whatever you now choose to be, loving, caring, kind, honest, loyal, understanding, whatever it is that is opposite to the old behaviour that you are giving yourself so much grief about. Be thankful for the experience, thankful for the opportunity to heal and grow and have a greater understanding into yourself and others. Be grateful for the opportunity to learn to make better choices in the future.
There is only love or fear, choose love.
On an energetic point of view, being in a vibration of grief, anger, shame and continuing to focus on these things, continuing to focus on what happened, this is only going to bring you more of the same, more situations to feel grief, shame and anger. It is going to bring you more of what you focus on. Where focus goes, energy flows. If you focus on what you want instead this will bring you more of what you want, the more you feel in alignment to what you want the better, the more you can embody this new behaviour or desire the better. This happens when you have healed the past and not holding onto that anymore, cleared your energy of that shame and guilt and anger and move into forgiveness, compassion, understanding and love.
Then there is the understanding that we are chose the parents, siblings, and place we live, the main characters that will be in our life all before we are born. We looked for the perfect people that we help us learn the lessons our soul wanted to learn in this lifetime. To explain further, our souls came to this earth wanting to learn certain things, certain lessons, and we choose who will be the best people to help us achieve this. We choose the best location and the best circumstances for our souls to have the experiences we desire. We make contracts with all the major people that will be part of our lives on earth to help with the lessons. As I said before, we chose the perfect parents, siblings, teachers, friends, romantic partners to give us the experiences and lessons we came here to learn. As souls before we were born, we made contracts with other souls from a place of unconditional love to help each other. How can we hold any grudges, hold any resentment, anger, pain or ill feelings towards these people knowing that they agreed to play that part for us to benefit our growth and evolution. How can we not only have extreme gratitude for them and the experience. From this place it is easy to forgive others and yourself as it is all perfect, all part of the plan, all in divine timing and there is no right or wrong, it just is. It is what it is.
Be at peace of where you are right now.
Be at peace with how you feel right now.
Be at peace with the situation you are in right now.
Be at peace with you.
Be at peace with others.
Be at peace knowing you did the best you could in the moment, just like everyone else.
Be at peace with what was done is done.
Be at peace with the here and now.
Love and Light
Robyn Lemsing
5th January 2026