Overwhelm, it can consume us. There is so much to do and it feels like we little time to do it all. It is stressful, can have us feeling on edge, snappy and at times stuck and unable to move forward.
Why do we get overwhelmed? It comes from taking on too much, for saying yes to, too many things, whether those things are important or unimportant time wasters. Overwhelm can creep up on us. One day we feel on top of things and even feel relaxed knowing we have time to spare and time to relax. Next day we are overwhelmed and the pile seems too big to tackle.
I myself, today am feeling overwhelmed and it is common for me to feel this way. Somedays it does seem too much and like I can never get it all done, and it becomes overbearing to a point where I can’t even face it and want to do nothing at all.
I know being overwhelmed is a habit of mine and is a self sabotager. It is something I need to watch in myself. For me it comes from being the sole carer for my two children, the sole house cleaner, yard person and breadwinner. It is a lot to take care of all at once. It doesn’t leave much time for the things I want to do for myself and I find I need to limit myself and say no to some things I would like to do because I know I do not have enough time and energy to put into them.
For me personally, the self sabotage aspect of overwhelm comes when I am working towards a personal goal of mine, something that means a lot to me and something I really want to do. There is a part of me that does not want me to succeed, has a fear of success and living the life I desire with ease. Part of me believes I have to struggle and work hard to get what I want. There are conflicting parts within me, one says stay focused, work a little each day towards your dreams, go with the flow, have faith and allow it to all unfold. The other part says that is too easy, you have to work hard and fight for what you want, It takes hard work and nothing comes easy. This part that thinks I have to struggle starts to tell me things like, “you can’t do this and that, you can’t go after your dreams, you have kids to look after, you have to go get a job, you have responsibilities to perform before you can do what you want.”
I can hear my mothers and fathers voices right now, “do you what you have to do before you can do what you want to do”. I remember I had to do all my homework, all my chores and help out in the household before I could and was allowed to things I wanted to do, most of the time, these free times were interpreted with more requirements from my parents. More jobs and chores to be done. There was not much time for me as a kid to just be myself and relax, doing what brought me joy, it felt like, work, work, work.
So you can see from my background that this habit and pattern of work, work, work has carried through to my adult life and every time I am feeling relaxed and on top of things and doing things I enjoy, somehow from somewhere more work, jobs, chores appear. Whether the children need or want me to do something for them, whether it is me having to do extra things around the house, an inspection coming up or other duties to keep the household running smoothly, like finding more income, putting more effort into finding work, applying for jobs, putting flyers up or going through the house looking for things we can sell to bring in more income to get us through the next week. All this looking for ways to increase our income takes a lot of time and energy and I find I am taking more courses to get more qualifications and have more skills with the aim to gain some employment, all while building up my own home based business and fitting in everything else. I know today the feeling of overwhelm has come from all the extra activities I need to do to find employment that is taking some time away from me working on my writing skills and building my business.
I also notice that at times I will create and find things to do, unimportant, time wasting stuff, that fills up my time so I can not get to what I want to do. At the time these insufficient things seem important and I feel I have to get these done, then I can work on what I want to do, which for me at the moment is this 30 day blog challenge I am doing as a way to work towards becoming a freelance travel writer.
The pattern is still there. I can see it more clearly as I write this today and it is something I am aware of about myself and something I watch and observe so I can keep on track of where I am wanting to go.
So what are some of the things you can do about changing this pattern and overcoming overwhelm?
- Get clear on what you want and where you am are going. There is a saying “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” It is true, you will go around in circles, you will take this path and then turn down another path, with no real direction and end destination, filling up your days with unnecessary, unimportant tasks. It really makes a huge difference when you are clear on where you want to go. Everything that doesn’t align with your plans and goal of direction will be easy to see and easy to say no to. You wont allow yourself to give energy to things that are not taking you in the direction you want to go. It feels so empowering having clarity and a clear direction and gives me a feeling of confidence.
- Learn to say NO. Stop taking on too much, know your limits of time and energy. Say No to people’s requests for your time and energy, if it is something that you do not have time for, it is ok to say no and to look after yourself. Saying no becomes easy when you have that clarity of purpose and direction outlined in step 1.
- Prioritise tasks. Make a list of all the things that need to be done and prioritise them in order of importance. Are there some things that can wait til tomorrow?
- Take action. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there” Will Rogers. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour. Take some action towards your goals and dreams every day, even if you only a few minutes, do something. Take small steps. Bit by bit, step by step you will get there.
- Recognize time wasters. What activities are you doing that are just wasting your time and not moving you towards your goals and dreams. I am not talking about your fun time, your leisure, recreational and social times. These are important. I am talking about time we waste doing unnecessary, unimportant, pure time wasting stuff. I am sure we all know some things we do that just waste time.
If you do find yourself feeling overwhelmed at times then recognize and accept it. Take a few moments to check in with yourself and recognize the feelings of overwhelm and have an understanding of why you are feeling stressed and on edge. It is ok to feel overwhelmed. It is not a bad thing. All we are doing here is recognizing and accepting we are feeling overwhelmed. Once we recognize it we can now takes steps to move us past the overwhelm and feeling at peace again.
Getting to know ourselves and our feelings is important in our journey towards self love and self acceptance. It is a lot easier to have understanding and compassion towards ourselves if we take the time and get to know ourselves. So when those feelings of stress come and you are feeling on edge, take a moment to breathe and simply check in and ask yourself why you are stressed, what is the matter? Is it overwhelm?
Acceptance is the first step in changing anything in our lives, to be able to accept things about ourselves or our lives without judgement or beating ourselves up about it, is about having understanding and compassion for ourselves. It is knowing it is ok to feel whatever we feel. It just purely and simply accepting it for what it is (a feeling). Now take a few deep breaths and see it for what it is and get your mind back on track of your goals, what is important, are you taking on too much, can you say no to some people and tasks, can you pass on some things to another person? Prioritise and look for any time wasters and take some action.
One thing I have noticed over the years about overwhelm is that once I take a few deep breaths, get my mind back on track and and start the process of sorting out the importance of each task by prioritising things and taking action, that things start to flow and I seem to get through things with ease. Before I know it, I am getting through everything and am back to feeling on top of things and can feel relaxed again.
At times I do use EFT (Emotioal Freedom Techniques) to ease the feelings of overwhelm. If it is too much for me to take any action and I am feeling stuck, and just can’t think straight, I will tap for a few rounds, clear the stuck feelings and then I am able to move forward again.
The set up phrase I often use is:
“Even though I am feeling overwhelmed and can’t move forward, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
“Even though I am feeling overwhelmed at the moment, I accept how I feel”
“Even though I am so overwhelmed, I feel stuck, I love and accept myself and how I feel.”
The remainder phrase I say: EB – I feel overwhelmed, SE – I can’t move forward, UE – I have so much to do, UN – and not much time get it all done, CH – I am so overwhelmed, CB – I feel stuck, UA – I don’t know where to start , TOP – I feel so overwhelmed.
If you unsure on how to apply EFT (Tap), please see the page How to Tap – The EFT basic Formula **** link****
Today has been a productive day even though I started off feeling overwhelmed. I went over the 5 ways to overcome being overwhelmed and got my mind back on track, was able to write this blog post, find some jobs to apply for, was able to be there for my kids and attend to household duties, recognized some time wasters and got rid of them and now I will go and mow the lawn.
Hope you found this useful, if you have any other ways you have found to be useful in overcoming overwhelm, I would love to hear about them. Leave a comment below or send me an email. You can find the email address on the contact me page.
Robyn Lemsing
4th February 2018