Here I am looking at what he is reflecting to me. If we are experiencing the same things etc. Then what is in me that needs healing? I see that I am one of many, that he is messaging and seeing others, why?
Is it an addiction, craving the attention of women?
Do I crave the attention of men? Do I seek the attention of men? Do I like men messaging me and giving me attention – if I had to be honest I would have to say yes. Now to ask why? What do I feel I am lacking? What need is in me that gets fulfilled by this behaviour? Why do I seek the attention of men?
It makes me feel good, I feel liked, maybe even lovable to some degree, attractive maybe, gives me that feeling.
Seeking love, seeking attention, mostly from the opposite sex can be seen as possible candidates for relationships – but having said that, most men that come into my life are not available, not able to commit, either in a relationship, married, work away or live at a distance.
So why do I seek this attention?
As a child I didn’t feel loved nor got much attention from my parents, not loving positive attention anyway – looking for love, looking for approval. So I guess I am still looking for it. Still seeking love and still seeking approval and when someone shows me a little attention I cling to it – became attached, fear losing that attention.
Wanting love and attention, may get some attention from guys but is only surface stuff, nothing with any depth to it. It doesn’t last long either, short term, still feeling empty. No real connection, even only short lived, look for any attention or sign of attention, adjusts behaviour to get liked and feel good about oneself.
Issues – seeking love, affection, attention, addiction, habit, co-dependency from outside sources and validation, commitment, attracting those that can’t commit on some level, those that are not available.
1 -lack self love, needing real connection with self.
2 – not deserving.
So how can I judge him when I see him doing the same, when his behaviour of messaging many, gaining, seeking love affection and attention of others, with him saying and doing things to fulfill his needs of love and attention but at the same time feeling empty and giving emptiness – feeling lonely.
When he too can’t commit from lack of self worth. Lack of worthiness and of feeling deserving of love – even though this is what is craved, perhaps he does also attaches to anyone that shows attention – others that can’t commit and pushes away those who really love on a deep level.
So how can I fulfill this need within myself? How can I stop this behaviour and give myself the love and attention I crave?
How can I develop the feeling and knowing I deserve love and deserve being loved from another?
How can I get to the stage that relationships with others is a choice and not a need (I know this is possible but how to really get to this stage?)
Love, accept, forgive myself for seeking outside myself.
Q – Even with seeking love from God, the universe, the divine – isn’t that again seeking from another source outside of you?
Robyn Lemsing
28th May 2019