Some of my previous posts have been about my experience when in a abusive relationship with my ex-husband. I want to point out that even though I had this experience, it does not define who I am. I am not hanging on to any of it and it doesn’t effect my life any more.
There were times I did feel it held me back, I held myself in victim mode for a long time and through the years have managed to turn that into being a survivor and move beyond that as well.
Non of our experiences define who we are, they do not make us a different person, we are still who we are at the core. Our beliefs, values, behaviours, skills and knowledge may change but who we are is still the same person we were before we had any of our experiences.
It is important that we do learn for our experiences and yes some of us take longer than others wth certain lessons, that is why we can have a pattern that occurs and what seems to be the same experience over and over, and each time the lesson gets more intense and we struggle more and more until we get it.
Have you ever noticed that? That sometimes we have the same sort of experiences happen over and over, we think at the time that they are happening to us but in reality they happen for us and happen from our beliefs and thought patterns. Our outward experiences are a reflection of our inward experiences in the way we think and what our beliefs and values are. For example if we think life is hard and nothing ever goes you way, then in our day to day life we will have experiences that reflect these beliefs. We attract what we think and believe and our outer experiences are a reflection of those beliefs to show us how our thoughts effect our life. It is up to us to then learn from this and look within to determine what is it we belief and what kind of thoughts we are thinking that are attracting these outer experiences to us. From there we can then change our beliefs and change our thinking to bring about change in our lives, whether on the positive or negative side.
Its like that saying “I will believe when I see it” but really it is the other way round, we believe it therefore we see it.
When we see it, it means we already believe it.
Most of the time what we experience reinforces our beliefs and we end up in a cycle of repeated experiences. What we could do is to realise that it is in fact our beliefs that come first and it is our beliefs that create the outer experiences and therefore it is our beliefs and thoughts that need to change in order to bring about improvement. It is up to us to do the work and look within and observe our thoughts and beliefs and observe how they play out in our lives.
Even though I wrote about my experiences with domestic violence, I could’ve wrote about anything, a family holiday, a trip to the local supermarket, the birth of my children, they are just experiences, non more important than they other. The only difference is how we see them, what level of importance we give them, how we react or respond. We are the ones that give it meaning and label it in different categories of importance.
This is why I say your experiences do not define us and my experiences have not defined me because I know they are just that, experiences and it was my beliefs and my thoughts that brought that into my life. My past has no hold over me and I see it like a movie or book I have seen or read. This is how the story of my mind played out and this is what I have to either change my thoughts and beliefs or not. If I don’t like how things are playing out then I have two choices, change my mind (my thoughts and beliefs) and see different results or do nothing and continue to have similar experiences until I do decide to change my mind.
Robyn Lemsing
5th March 2018